I'm So Not Mellow
2004-09-21, 11:31 p.m.

Feel much more calmer than yesterday, but still feeling out of sorts.

Cleaned and did the usual stuff, plus a few things that aren't daily. But they were all whacked and not done during the regular times nor in the same order.

It left me feeling as if nothing had been done although everything was done.

Left me with a very unsatisfying feeling, no sense of accomplishment.

Jim stopped over for tea with me this afternoon. He was out interviewing for the State for some type of computer programming. He said the State is putting in ?Billions? of dollars worth of new computers and systems.

Damn, you can tell the freeze has lifted.

I feel bad for Jim, he is either 50 or going to be 50 this January and has to search for new employment. He is almost certain that the company he is working for now, is good for another 2 years...but he wants to jump before it sinks.

While he was here, I was telling him how restless I've been. Told him perhaps I need a new drug. That lead us to talking 'Glory Days', perhaps better phrase, he spoke of the glory days.

I hate going down that path. Why walk forward and look back? Your only missing what is in front of you. Many new joys and glories.

But, I still need something to help me feel not so whacked and disassociated.

Sandy stopped over while Jim was here. We got to talking about how I'm viewed as the mellow one with the parents who attend the PTA meetings! I thought Jim was going to blow his tea across the table! Jim has known me since I've moved to this town and mellow isn't something anyone would use to describe me. Sandy and the other members know what a bitch I am......but thank god I don't let that side of me show in public; at least not since I've been taking prozac.

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