Amy
2004-05-24, 3:22 p.m.

Sharon and I share a child.

It sounds like some kinda love triangle thing...but far from it.

This child hammered our friendship in stone. We share a common love of this child and truly care how she is doing.

Sharon was the Caseworker for this Child and I was the Foster Parent.

Tina use to call Sharon my wife when she'd call the house. But actually, I would have to say, Sharon was the husband.

I say Husband because I'd call her up wimpering about what our Child did this time. Sharon would listen like the good Daddy, then talk to the Child.

Our child's name is Amy. So much I want to say about Amy. She is me, as I was when I was her age.

Amy was a major hit at our house. We all loved Amy and she loved us.

Amy didn't like anyone before coming to live with us.

To this day I have such a tender spot in my heart for her.

Sharon and I worry so much about her, if either of us don't hear from her.

We know that things must be rather dismal.

The reason I bring her up is that for years people confuse my diary as that of a wonderful parent. I'm far wonderful and very very far from perfect!

I have never tried giving that impression. And if you have read my diary with any type of regularity, you'll see how I fuck up majorly and end up eating lots of shit for my stupidity.

I think Dawn was able to see, that I admit a whole lot of my own stupidity in here and how I grope trying to undo whatever it may have I done.

All this is really going somewhere.

Jeffery, Tina's old boyfriend, the boy from Santa Domingo was here yesterday. He has a major crush on Amy. Amy came over due to Jeffery's persistance.

Amy was in a bad way and not a day I would normally have seen her.

She came over and Jeffery immediately jumps her shit about not calling me on Mother's Day, but on the day after. I could see that Amy was hurt by that. I then told Jeffery, that every year for the past 6 years that is what Amy does and that I look forward to the day after for my call. I could tell Amy was happy that I defended her. But Jeffery wouldn't let it go. He said that he calls me every Holiday and that she should also...that I was her 'Mama'. I finally had to tell Jeffery that I enjoyed his calling me, but that all my children are different.

A little later Amy came into the kitchen with me to smoke a cigerette. She once again thanked me on teaching her how to clean, that she is just as manic as I am about cleaning. She said she thinks about me all the time and that those memories bring her pleasure and memories of good things.

I told her how proud Sharon and I are her. She seemed almost shamed.

I wanted to cry. I saw so much of myself in that hang dog look.

Wondering - 2008-10-26

emailing - 2007-06-11

Little This & Little That - 2007-03-23

SHOE - 2006-12-12

VINNY AND KNARLES - 2006-12-09

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