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Thanks Ames For The Lift
2004-10-04, 8:11 p.m.

Oh Lordy Jesus! Thank you so much for the laugh Amy!
**



You Know You're From Lancaster When...


Your idea of Chicken Pot Pie has nothing to do with a pie and you can't figure out why people might think it would.

Your driving lessons involved learning to avoid horse droppings.

You know at least 5 euphemisms for animal manure and at least 4 of them involve food.

You know how to cook, but not without butter.

You know what a Fire Hall Wedding is

You've been to a Chicken and Waffle Dinner

You spend at least 30 minutes every summer day complaining about New Jersey drivers.

You don't understand why people would ever want to see the Amish.

The local Post Office used to be a single-family home and they close between noon and 1 for lunch.

You have ever ended a sentence with "a while".

You do not giggle when you see the following signs:

-- Lititz
-- Intercourse
-- Blue Ball
-- Bird-in-Hand
-- Mount Joy

You've heard of 7-11 but you've never seen one.

You cannot buy beer and wine from the same store.

Park City has nothing to do with skiing for you.

Agnes 1972 means something to you and you can tell stories about it.

You pronounce Lancaster in "Burt Lancaster" differently from Lancaster in "Lancaster, PA".

And you giggle at people who say "Aee-mish".

Your iced tea is sweeter than Pepsi.

You know someone who repairs gasoline-powered lawn mowers, but is forbidden to own one.

You think Fasnacht Day and Groundhog Day are national holidays.

You know that eggs come in either white or brown - and you have a preference

You think the Mississippi is just a tad wider than the Susquehanna.

You know who James Buchanan was.

You don't have to be told what Shoo Fly Pie is.

You outen the lights at the end of the day.

You go to the store when the milk is "all".

You think orange traffic cones are the natural foliage surrounding Route 30.

A "Bud" is not a beer and it's much better than those cheap knockoffs, Hershey's kisses.

The word "red" is a verb.

"Come with?" is a complete sentence.

You know what Donkey baseball is.

You know what a liquid pit is.

At times, you utter things like, "Throw over the fence some hay."

It may be raining, but the question is: "Is it makin' down?" or "Is it really makin' down?"

The verb "to be" is useless: "Does Fido need out?"

You remember when Park City Mall had a flea market in the basement. Or worse yet, a skating rink.

You know that "long johns" are something you eat, not something you wear.

You own quilts and know their names.

You know what a Turkey Hill is , and you've ditched school to hang out there.

You've corrected all the errors while watching Witness.

Rush hour is on Saturday afternoon -- in the summer.

Your wan has vindshield vipers (and so does your station vagon).

You reocognize "Twin Kiss" and "Freez and Frizz," knowing that Dairy Queen is a pale imitation.

Dutch Wonderland is neither Dutch nor much of a Wonderland.

WGAL is the source of all local celebrities and they create quite a stir when they shop in
the supermarket.

You go out of state just to drive on smooth roads.

You've ordered "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

The Green Dragon ain't no Chinese restaurant.

Bacon drippings are an ingredient for making salad dressing.

You think tourist attractions consist of a pretzel factory, a chocolate factory and an Amish family out for a drive.

You know the only way to make good fastnachts is to cook them in LARD.

You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy or ice cream or that packages turkeys, beans or bologna.

You do things "once," as in, "I'll go check in the back room once."

You can stop along the road to buy fruit, vegetables or crafts on the "honor system."

YOUR turkey has "filling," not "stuffing" and most certainly NOT "dressing."

You know that chicken corn soup from a firehouse is the most perfect food on earth.

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today" and "They're calling for snow."

You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.

You never see any Confederate flags except on the Gettysburg battlefield.

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

You call sloppy joes "barbecue."

You think Medium Rare equals Well Done.

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.

Words like: gumband, buggie, hoagie, chipped beef, scrapple, actually mean something to you.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Lancaster.






****
My sister lives here and I did also for a time, I was only mid way through reading it and forwarded to her...came back to finish reading it and howled with laughter when I read this: You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from central Pennsylvania.




You Know You're From central Pennsylvania When...


You think driving from Johnstown to Ebensburg is a long trip.

"Hey Yuz Guyz" is a greeting.

You take time off of work/school for the entire 3 days of doe season.

You know the location of the following towns, know someone from them, and have spent time there: Altoona, Clearfield, Penns Valley, Port Matilda, Centre Hall, and Tyrone

You've taken deliberate field trips to Penn's Cave and Horse Shoe Curve.

You know what to do when your Mother tells you to "Red up your room."

You feel the only good bands out there are Rude Dawg, Velvetta, Wrench and HotWax.

You know the time and location of every Wing Night in a 10 mile radius.

You complain about people who are on the news crying about their wet basements after a hard rain and reply with a comment like, "That's not a flood, Johnstown in '77 was a flood."

There are pictures of you as a small child with the deer your dad or grandfather killed.

You think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny.

You own an original Terrible Towel.

You don't understand what all the hype is about for Rolling Rock. You've been drinking
it for years.

You consider an exotic vacation a trip to the Jersey Shore.

Your version of the English language contains no form of the verb to be. For example, "the car needs washed" instead of "the car needs to be washed".

You're 45 years old, have never been outside of Blair County, and don't see the need to leave.

You don't understand why all sports commentators don't sound more like Myran Cope.

Words like: hoagie; chipped ham; and pop actually mean something to you.

You can use the phrase "Firehall Wedding" and not even bat an eye.

You think Altoona is a "big city"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from central Pennsylvania.






**** Oh and how I cried when I got transferred from Pittsburgh to icky Harrisburg:
You Know You're From Pittsburgh When...
"Hey Yuz Guyz" is your traditional greeting. You know the time and location of every Wing Night in a 10 mile radius. You know the location of the following towns, know someone from them and have spent time there: Monongahela, Altoona, Bethlehem, Ligonier, Harmony, and Wilmerding. You've memorized lines from the movie "Flashdance". If you're a guy, your biggest fear is seeing your best friend drive into the "fruit loop". You're second biggest fear is seeing him drive out with Kordel Stewart. If you're a girl, you're biggest fear is getting hit on by a hairy-chested man, heavily weighted in gold chains, who refers to his friends as "junior" at Chauncey's. Your latest cultural experience: On your way to partying at Slippery Rock University, having to stop your car to let the Amish buggy cross the street. As your out-of-town friends brag about their latest trips to Europe, you think to yourself, "Polish Hill will suffice." You eat out at least once a week at a mafia-owned Italian pizza parlor. Your father has worked for the same company for over 20 years. You don't see what all the hype is about Disney World when Kennywood is just around the corner. You're having a hard time on where to take your date out for dinner and a night on the town: - "meat on a stick" in the south side and the guzzling IC Light at Jack's... Or splitting an order of "O fries" and guzzling IC Light at Peter's Pub. " N at' " is eloquently added to the end of every sentence. You've taken deliberate field trips to the Andy Warhol museum. You water ski on the Youghiogheny River Lake. You feel the only good bands out there are Donny Iris, Joe Grushecky, The Blue Oyster Cult, and of course.... Rusted Root. You're more worried about Jerome Bettis's health than your own. You own more than one original Terrible Towel. You don't understand what all the hype is about for Rolling Rock beer. You've been drinking it for years, although Penn Pilsner is better. You consider a great vacation a trip to Conneaut Lake or Lake Erie. For something a little more exotic, a trip to the Jersey shore. You're 35 years old, have never been outside of Allegheny County, and don't see the need to leave. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Heinz ketchup, and the bottle of Trappey's Red Devil you swiped from Primanti's. For the life of you, you can't understand why your all your out-of-town friends don't get the "fries and cole slaw" thing... You have 101 favorite recipes for kolbasi and sauerkraut. Words like: hoagie; chipped ham; pop; and gumband actually mean something to you. You can use the phrase "Firehall Wedding" and not even bat an eye. You walk carefully when it is "slippy" outside. You often go down to the "crick". You have to "red up", before company comes over. You've ever gotten hurt by falling into a "jaggerbush". You know that Ahia is a river, a boulevard, and a state. You've ever "warshed" or "wershed" the laundry. You know you can't drive too fast on back roads,cause-udda-deer. You've drank an "Arn" . You've told someone to "quit jaggin around". You know that Clinton, Monaca, and Beaver, are actually names of towns. You've called someone a 'jaggoff'. You hear "you guyses", or "yins" and don't think twice. You hate Cleveland, although you've never been there. You drink "pop", eat "hoagies", pierogies, and gyros(jy-rows). You know what a still mill is. You can find Zillionopal on a map. You go 'food shoppin' at 'Jine Iggle'. You believe that "Ize" is the abbreviaton for "I was. You know someone from 'Sliberty, E-sliberty, or Wesliberty. You know the Pittsburgh Zoo is in 'Hilinpark' and have been there for school field trips. You know what is meant by "The Point". Chipped ham was always in your refrigerator when you were growing up. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pittsburgh.


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