2005-03-12, 8:40 p.m.

Okay, so this will seem delusional, but I have no shame when writing in here.
This job I'm taking...crap now they want the greencard! I told them Immigrations said that it is suffice to prove my status as a legal immigrant....but enough with that damn green card rant.
Sharon and I have been friends for many many years, we talk several hours, almost daily to each other. Never once during any of those conversation has my wanting to work in the prison been brought up, because I have never had the desire....ever.
This morning I realized it was a calling that I had to answer to. Sort of like the calling to become a Priest or a Nun.
Ever since I could remember, I'd get these feeling....strong impulses....and I'd act on them.
In my early and mid 20's I'd use those feelings for that which should not have been used for. It was wrong and evil. I truly think that I saved my soul by leaving it. So many things I had done that was wrong. I'd go to the Cathedral and in the vast emptiness there, I'd pray for guidence. It was a sorrowful time for me.
I had gone to see a Clairvoyant once. When she opened her door my forehead started to feel like it was on fire and I started to cry.
She brought me in and told me specifics of what I was doing with my gift and how God didn't intend for it to be used like that. I knew in my heart that she spoke the truth....all at no charge mind you.
Less than a year later, I received a direct calling from some higher plain. Was it God? I don't know, I'd like to think thats who it was. During that moment of revelation, I was told I was to have a son and his name would be Matthew.
I learned of that right after conception. It wasn't another 2 1/2 months, perhaps 3 that I knew I was really pregnant.
5 years after Matthew's birth I decided I needed to experience more compassion in my life. I then worked with the Mentally Impaired for 6 years. It taught me to slow down and look at things in their littlest ways, because I was writing programs for the Individuals on learning independence.
After Tim and I were married, I received another calling. And that was Foster Care. I wanted my home full of children that felt hopeless and I had an urge so strong that I needed to reach out and love those unwanted children as my own.
It was one of my Foster daughter's who told me the truth about Dawn....which then lead to another revelation. I won't go into detail, its in my old diary.
But now, completely out of the blue, I feel God's marking all over this new venture. It is where I'm to be.
It was the only application I put out and I never had a doubt that I wouldn't be hire. It was the most enjoyable interview I had and I had no nervousness about leaving.

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