Prior to my diary, my memories were held in check like a long hall, with many closets. Only to be opened a crack, and a memory to be hurriedly yanked out. Sort of like a closet that is stuffed full of junk and if opened to wide, everything comes tumbling out.
Since starting a diary, I felt I could open up....let everything tumble out, lay there, pick through it for what I was searching for, then click on the Done, then move on.
I went to a Catholic School. I took a typing course and it was on manual typewriters....non electric.
Since the advent of computers, I recall 1st learning the ability to "cut and paste" and the sheer joy of not having to use 'whiteout'.
I forget which 'Monkey's' mother discovered and marketed 'whiteout'. Michael Ness? I'm horrible on names. Prior to white out, it was a tape thing you placed over your mistake and then retyped the errored word. It was especially dreadful if you were making copies, because then you had to place it behind all those sheets of carbon paper.
Still, after all these years, I type hard.
I called my mother last Sunday. I feel really bad for not just letting things drop.
I am just like a feral animal, who can't let up till the victim is done breathing. When am I going to realize that I can never hurt the person who inflicted pain or been a bystanded of the pain, to as much pain as I perceived myself as going through?
I feel especially bad for saying the things I did to her.
I'm not sure if I really even meant what I said to her.
I just get so damn tired of her excuses!
I had called her up and asked if she had spoke to Joey yet? She said no, then did her fucking little sigh. I got pissed and asked her if she has ever contemplated suicide? She said no and I told her she should, that she is a despicable bitch, then hung up on her.
I shouldn't have said that to her. I was totally out of line.
I'm thinking that perhaps it isn't theraputic for me releasing all my memories in here. Perhaps it was best, that they had remained jammed inside a dark closet of my mind.
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Little This & Little That - 2007-03-23
SHOE - 2006-12-12
VINNY AND KNARLES - 2006-12-090 comments so far