2004-07-11, 10:22 a.m.

I internalize much of what I express in here. This is my venue to vent what I can't in an open forum. That's probably why I write so much about my kids and the kids I receive on a temporary basis.

If I just do emergency respite for kids, I don't have to get overly involved in their personal lives. After a week, a relationship starts forming. Three quarters of the time, I haven't the slightest idea what it is or where it is going.

I observe the child, most times from a distance, and let my instincts guide me.

For all my bitching and moaning in here, I am not like that at home...unless of course I'm at that week of PMSing...even with menopause. I'm even quiet and rather recluse, til I detect something amiss. Or til I feel comfortable around that person.

Natalie, had me stumped in my reaction towards her. It wasn't til last night that I figured out why I feel the way I do with her.

She had just gotten back from the Soda/IceCream Shop....its like a Coffee Shop, table games, books and kids. It has a 50ish theme about it. Anyhow, it was then I knew what was going on between the 2 of us.

I sat her down, and explained to her that I was purposely keeping my distance from her. That I feared for her and I didn't want her to repeat her mistake ever again.

I explained the stupidity of her running away from home, to meet some yingyang she never met over the internet. She was lucky this time, I said. The next time, I fear for her. She had a happy ending this time, but it won't always be that way.

I explained to her the true horrors of what she was lucky enough to miss. I also explained that was why I purposely kept an edge towards her.

I explained some of the underbelly of life to her. She felt that since she didn't view herself as attractive, that she wasn't vulnerable to those things.

She will be 17 in mid September. She said in Texas, that she is legal to live on her own.

I know their isn't much hope of her re-establishing a somewhat positive relationship with her Father and StepMother, but I do hope that the Family Services of Texas help this child.

Wondering - 2008-10-26

emailing - 2007-06-11

Little This & Little That - 2007-03-23

SHOE - 2006-12-12

VINNY AND KNARLES - 2006-12-09

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